Morbid

Today, it was imperative that I work outside in the cold for a few hours. When I did come in from the cold, the back room where we are stationed was very little warmer. I'd forgotten exactly how much I detest the cold. I don't particularly like being in the sun in 90+ degree weather, but I recover far easier from that. It's been four and a half hours at home, under covers, and I still feel a little numb. My fingers are not fully recovered.

Then the news of the day made its way into my life. I really wish I could tune it out. It all seems so overwhelming. I need to take a break. Survival instincts are kicking in. I mean, China took one of our drones, because Trump is breaking the major rule about Taiwan. They're showing our dear, fearless leader that they mean business when it comes to their one China rule. Trump won't listen. His blind and deaf followers won't listen.

Maybe they'll listen when death comes.

This is the only thing that ever makes a dent. I don't want this. I don't want to see us get destroyed, but it looks like this is inevitable, now. I had such terrible dreams in October. Then they resurfaced after my few weeks of optimism were nuked. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I really thought progress was inevitable. Looks like war and total annihilation is actually the only certainty in life.

I made my predictions on a Twitter rant. I still hope I'm wrong.

Until that day, I will continue to live as well as I can. No one can take that from me. Also, no one will take away the only, small voice I have here. I'm not going to live in terror. It all comes to the same conclusion. The only uncertainty is when.

Wow, I'm morbid. I will stop here.