I need a mental health day. Or two. I don't get those. Or sick days. Just my vacation and two personal days that must be scheduled in advance, for the most part. One of my major goals in the last decade has been to stick with my job until I find something else, and then give some kind of notice. I've done this. However, this week, it's been particularly hard to figure out exactly why I do it. Oh, yeah, paycheck, sure... but that's just not enough. I don't want to start over somewhere else, because all jobs are crappy. "Work is a four letter word" the saying goes. Sure, sure.
It feels so unimportant. Worse, it sometimes feels malignant. Not only am I not helping anyone, the whole thing just seems to be making the world a worse place? Is it really, though? I don't think so. I think my perception is just skewed, today. The day started out below average, and just never really rose above. After I left, it got worse, because of the communication issues that plague this place. I just feel like "Why bother?"
When we're all sitting in barely-functioning buildings, in the coming nuclear winter, will any of this mean anything, anyway? No. I won't even remember why this seemed at all important. It will be lost to a fantasy of life that will be long gone.
My day starts at 3 a.m. again tomorrow. I'll be going to sleep soon. My dreams continue to be intensely interesting. I hope tonight is the same. I need an escape. Any escape. Dreams will do.
No comments:
Post a Comment