Ponderance

I swear there was a time I had so much to say. Now, there are people saying all that needs to be said. I just point to them. Let them sort it out. My voice is just more noise, now.

The only things they can't talk about are the things that are part of my personal life. Of course, I won't post all of that, either. Only the tip of the iceberg.

Speaking of iceberg, it's that time of year when I actually wish I could take a cruise to the Antarctic. Or spend time at a research station. All this relentless heat and humidity. It isn't the extreme that it was last month, but it just doesn't seem to be letting up. So I begin to dream of icebergs. Especially when people post pictures of inverted icebergs and Blood Falls. How can I resist?

There is a big hole opening inside me. One of the kids flew the nest and even though I have the second one with me, it just feels like something's wrong. I'm not sure how long this will last. The feelings that it inspires in me are unpleasant. A mixture of the fact that I'm aging, things are changing, my identity is changing, and I'm not as needed as I was. Lets hope I get through this quickly.

Also, there is a part of me that is lonely. I'd rather be lonely than trapped in deeply unhappy situations. However, I always found it rather annoying that the people who constantly tried to remind me that a relationship shouldn't be your focus, it's merely the cherry on top of the sundae that is your life, were always people in safe, warm relationships. Believe me, I get it. Relationships are not the only thing in life. It would be more than nice to know what it's like, again. Much more than just a small good thing in life. I wonder how long most people would be able to go bouncing from one brief encounter to another before they began to resent the platitudes.