Irritations

The theme of the day is apparently agitation. All the things that happened have piled on this thick layer of irritation.  I have a laundry list the size of someone in the quiverful movement.

When the woman outside starts screaming like a stereotypical tired toddler at her elementary school aged child for dropping a bag, I want to run to the window and scream right back at her. My covers aren't soft enough for me. The cat keeps digging his paws into the sheets and snagging the fabric. There are still some fleas jumping on me, after a week of treatments. The food I've eaten hasn't satisfied me. There have been comments online that remind me that some activism is not making the world a better place, but adding to the shittiness of life. I'm sorry that life is shitty, but being shitty to other people only deepens the shit. Telling people to kill themselves, plastering them as garbage, trash, shit, and victim blaming people in bad situations "they get treated badly too, but it's their own fault for offering to suck these guys' dicks" (I don't care that it was said about women with one specific privilege over another set of women, victim blaming is fucking victim blaming)  or more to dehumanize them, and piling on top of someone to humiliate like a classroom bully fest is not making the world better. It's furthering the divide. People entrench themselves in their horrible ways far more often than they find an epiphany in being told to go die. Life may seem long to some, but it isn't. It's short and it's vile. Adding to the vileness isn't helping rid the world of injustice, no matter how you justify it. You've made a new clique, and that new clique is just as bad as the old clique. Con-fucking-gratulations. The world remained at zero. There was no bettering as a result. "Meet the new boss, same as the old."

All I have learned this week is that everyone of us is prone to shittiness. Not just me. Even people with higher levels of ideological purity than me. I'm done caring about who thinks I'm okay and who thinks I'm problematic. Fuck the labels and fuck the perceptions. I'll do what I can to minimize my human flaws, as I can. If it's not enough for you, so be it. Move on. I have.