Completion

It's all about what needs to be done to move me on in life. Strangely enough, the idea of taking a journey always appealed to me. Perhaps because I never saw it as a direct route from one place to another. More like the sort of journeys I read about in mythology. Exploration, ventures, adventures, mishaps, disasters, challenges, losses, and all of that epic storytelling appealed to me. It's come to my attention that there is a challenge to this view of life. I'll investigate it, eventually. Maybe it'll shift my own internal paradigm. Maybe not.

At the moment, I see myself taking steps toward a new unknown land. Something dangerous and unknown to me. I see myself on a path, wandering along, veering off the worn road. Now that I've got things together for my son in college, it makes me want to get myself together and finish a degree. It probably won't be in education, at this point in my life. This is the second half of my life. I'd like to do something less intensive, this time around. Something for me. I think I know what I'll attempt. If things go well for me, anyway.

It's going to take even more work than what I've done for my son. There's just this need to complete something. (I discovered a few years that I'm not a perfectionist so much as a completionist. If I don't feel I can finish something, no matter how imperfectly, I don't want to bother starting. If I start something, and get interrupted, it causes chaos in the extreme.) I need to finish the degree. Perhaps if I hadn't started it at all, I wouldn't care so much.

Now that I've got the pieces put back together, and the finances have smoothed back out, I am beginning to look into that future of my own. It remains incomplete. This is unacceptable.