Burnt

I'm serious when I say that music is the only thing I care about anymore. I have thoughts and opinions. There are issues I want to see resolved. The world goes around and around and around. Very little seems to truly be better, but maybe some things are trending toward better. I don't know. Just because I want these things doesn't mean I'm as invested as I once was.

Not emotionally.

Actively, in my pursuits, my actions, and as much as I can, my words, I guess I still seem to care. It's habit, now. Much like someone I know once told me his vegetarianism wasn't about caring about either health or animals, anymore. It was habit. Emotional volley can only push you along so far. At some point, it's just about what kind of habits I've created. If I want to change a habit, I put in some effort, but no longer can I rely on my feelings to keep me going.

There is just a point where it washes out. Like fabric sitting in the sun for months. The basic structure remains, but the color has all faded out. I've tried to inspire in myself the will to care. I've listened. I've thought. I've come to that place again, though, where I'm burnt out. It happens. Humans are like that. Believe it or not, I am a human.

Let the cogs take over, and momentum move me through this plateau. I'm tired. I need to rest. The acceptance of shitting on a person in order to try to emotionally abuse them to the point of suicide, just because they spoke from a place you don't like has taken too much of a toll on me. Just because you've been given a place of authority doesn't mean you should automatically get out a whip. It makes you exactly the kind of person some of us thought you were trying to expunge from the world. Call it whatever the hell you want. It's not helping anyone. Maybe yourself. Just like the people who cornered me in 9th grade to point out every flaw they could while the teacher was out of the room at the end of class. Put it under the banner of justice, but it's not justice. Save the vitriol for a forum where it's needed. Dumping on an individual person doesn't interest me.

Yes, I'm burnt out.

It's time.