What a Week I'm Having

The issuance of funds through Federal Student Aid is not how I remember it. I realize it's been a very long time, but sheesh, it is even more difficult than it was. Therefore, all of my son's books had to be purchased with my paycheck. Eventually we will see the money he was awarded. Just not for a little while. That was painful to me. The fact that university is this difficult and expensive is overwhelming, at times. Of course the books for his courses are neither used nor available to rent, either. Ouch. I'm not in the sort of poverty I grew up in, though I may still legally qualify as poverty level, so yes, more than $500 in one sitting was really painful.

There were also two wrecks on the roads I needed to use to get back home after helping him purchase the books. That trip home took three times as long as it usually takes. Aside of the fact that even getting out of the university was tricky. I'm really glad that he's staying in a dorm, now. My little, old man stuck in the body of a kid.

Also, his professor of programming suggested he take a test to advance his placement in a higher course, since he taught himself all the basic programming, already. He may not have taken courses, but he worked really hard to learn all he could on his own. When anyone suggests that I was too lenient about the amount of time I allowed him to spend on his computer, I'm just going to point to this. He wasn't on Snapchat and Omegle. He was actively self-educating. I feel vindicated. He feels proud of himself, too.

As for me? Well, once this ouchy financial pinch is over, I suppose it's time to hunt down my 23 year old transcripts. *I feel more anxiety about that part of the re-entering of college than I do of actually getting into college and having to take tests. I need to do something. I'm lagging way behind, and I feel it. I know I'm more than this. I know I am. People may not see it in me, but I see it. Maybe I have an inflated sense of self-worth right now. I don't know. I guess I should use it. Once I get over my son's financial BS for his college experience.

The other question is what do I go back for? I don't know that I have it in me to be a secondary teacher. I think I'm probably too old now to do any education courses. I'm sure others could do it, but for me, personally, I just don't know that I have the patience nor the stamina for teaching, anymore. Life took some major chunks out of me, along the way. It's something I have to really consider. If I didn't have to worry about money, I'd go in undeclared and maybe stay that way until I was forced to pick something.

All I know is this isn't it for me. It just isn't.