Plans

The experiment continues. There are three concerts coming up. Louisville, next month. Cleveland and Chicago in October. Morrissey, Marillion, and VNV Nation. In the words of Douglas McCarthy, "tiny things make us live."

After all this, I must make the phone calls to figure out how to re-enter college. The dreams about being in class, taking tests, and such are getting to be more frequent than ever. Probably because I've had to do the majority of work to help my son get into NKU. I was willing to do the work because if he was a typical kid, I'd still be dealing with high school, anyway. The deal is that while he's under 18, he does school of some sort. He'd be in high school if he hadn't tested into and kept up with enough work to graduate Latin School two years early. Obviously, once he's legally an adult, I have no say. I can only hope I've impressed upon him the life that awaits him without pursuing skills through school. He's got talent, he just needs to do a bit of academic work to prove it.

For my own sense of betterment, I want to go back to school. It isn't about a career, for me, anymore. It's about proving to myself that I have it in me to complete that portion of my life that I did not. I've overcome a lot of things that were terrible mental blocks. There are patterns of symptoms littered along my timeline. One of them is the inability to return to school after my breakdown in the early 90's, when my mom died. I'd like to complete this.

It isn't about perfectionism for me, it's about completion. I need to get to the end. It doesn't even have to be perfect, as long as it's all done.

For now, though, I experiment with a usual technique in survival.  Looking forward to something in the short term is my goal, right now. I'll worry about the long term next month. This month, it's not about me. It's all about the kids. I'll get around to me, again, soon. Tonight, my experiment is all about sleep. Sleep is the BEST. Too bad my body and brain don't agree. I love sleep. I wish it loved me.