At This Time

It's been raining for the past two days. Rain is my favorite weather. Add a mild thunderstorm, and I'm in heaven. Yesterday was a little too strong in the storm department at first, but it faded out to a nice atmosphere for the rest of the day. These kind of days have been rare. The temperature has been mild, too. I only suffered a little while working in the pet department, tucked away in the back corner with zero air circulation, and the back dock, last night. This is the temperature I need it to be, now, all the time. To think I ever used to love hot weather amazes me.

My new all in one printer and scanner arrived today. Eventually, I will scan every single picture I have. The good, the bad, doesn't matter. My entire life will be digitalized soon. When? I don't know. Maybe the same time I get around to taking all those bags of clothes and toys to Goodwill? Hah. Oh wait, I don't have to leave the house to scan the pictures, so maybe the day before I get to that?

Time is moving too fast for me to keep up with. I used to be stuck in a slow moving state of mind. Those days are long gone. I never thought they'd end. Time seemed to never move, once upon a time. I was trying so hard to make it go faster, push the days on, so I could be out of the bad places I was living in. I'd write. I'd read. I'd draw, make necklaces, sew simple projects, and play either solitaire or online jigsaw puzzles for hours on end. I'd make the most intricate Sims 2 house designs. The kids had everything taken care of. The house was maintained, items donated, and groceries bought. Now I can't freaking get my act together to get the doctor and vet appointments scheduled or the driving lessons for D. It's already mid-July. This is getting too hard to do on my own.

Working on my brain flaws elsewhere, I am picking up my patterns of thoughts that still need to be addressed. The threads of my thoughts still have tangles in them. Granted, the way I deal with the world is so much better than it's ever been. Removing myself from all the horrible people that targeted me with all their own insecurities and guilt was a good start, but it will still take more time to really be free of the mess they started and that I continued for too long. Some days, like today, I feel capable of fixing these things. There are other days when the mess inside my head is too much for me, though. I have the tools to get through those days, too, though. My toolbox is weird. It may not include the things that work for everyone else, and there are strange things in there that won't for others. It's been working for me.

I made it to 45. Something my mom never did. Now lets see if I make it to 52. Outlive those whose genes made me.