Questioning

I'm just like everyone else, sometimes. I want to be shown affection. I want to be wanted. This is something that seems to be suppressed. Therapy and self-help books all try to point people away from love and romance. We're supposed to be good alone, and to sometimes get to "lick the spoon" of love.

Yes, I did use that metaphor intentionally.

Is it any wonder that I feel the same? It's been a long time since I felt affection. Years. More than I'd like to say. The offers given to me leave me cold and hopeless, though. The people that I have met have been the opposite of the kind of people I want in my life. From someone who flat-out told me "the blacks were better off when they were slaves" to a person who told me he wanted "to pull out all our troops, and turn the Middle East to glass."

I am pickier than that. I must not be bombarded by this shit. I can't even entertain why people think someone who unashamedly claims the "liberal" label would want to listen to the shit they spew. And that killed any spark that might have blossomed. Yes, I would rather be alone than deal with that kind of bullshit. I was downright  grossed out by them, after such words left their lips.

But is it really so hard to accept  that I'd like to know love, again? Not a desperate, anyone-will-do love, either. Not manipulation, not pretend love to get sex, not something worse, but love.

What about this desire turns the people I talk to tell me I shouldn't think of love? Is there something so wrong with me that they feel they must deter me from talking about wanting love?

I just don't understand.