What's Next

It seems that recovery will be fairly long for the final part I've heard is a remodeling process. There are days of swelling, fatigue, and weird little pains or discomforts that have no cause. The new reliance on artificial estrogen can be fraught with its own pitfalls. For one thing, I need to refill it early, in case there is a delay in ordering it. Three days without it was not fun. The usual markers of PMS tried to overwhelm me. So, yeah, that was a lesson learned. I've also begun to be sure to take calcium supplements every day, which means needing to balance it with some bananas to avoid the foot cramps. These things are minor, but small habits I need to build.

Riot Fest was hard. Or maybe it was the drive up there. I was exhausted before I'd even done anything. 

VNV Nation was fantastic, the other night, as always. I am glad I have time to rest after it, because of the drive home. 

My phone lied about the drive to and from Nashville. It wasn't 4 hours away. It was 5. The concert ended at midnight their time, 1 a.m. mine. I managed to get home just after 6 a.m. Monday morning. I have been exhausted, though. I won't be driving that much again until February for Marillion. As boring as things get, I need the rest.

Slow and steady healing is in progress. The pain I'd been going through is in the past, now. The discomfort and certainty that I was at the end of my life is over, too. Now, I'm left with what to do next. A thing I haven't spent enough time thinking about, really.

If I was afraid of dating before, now I am terrified. I've added never having natural children ever again to the fact that I have one nearly adult kid and one adolescent kid. I have to confront the fact that people my age are beginning to think about kids, and I'm done. It's a new addition to who I am to other people. I knew I wasn't going to have any more children, but this makes it permanent to other people. This is something that has to be known, along with all the other things.

Who am I to other people? And do I really care? Well, one, I'm not sure, and two, part of me does care, a lot.

Physically, I am fine. Financially, I'm fine. This is the basis of growing. Now, what do I do next?